My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
