At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
