i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
