you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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