She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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