he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
then he tried to convert me to islam
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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