Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
