What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
