Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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