she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
