There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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