How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I take back everything I said about communal showers
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
