I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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