I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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