I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
