i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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