Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
