this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
