She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
