I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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