well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
