I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
