we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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