You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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