I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
