i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
