I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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