She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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