Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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