its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Someone signed my nipple.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
