Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
