And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
