I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
