I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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