so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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