Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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