Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
