We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
