i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
