If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
