Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
