do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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