i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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