Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
