I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
