Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
