Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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