She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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