I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
