idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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