i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
