Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
